KIRK: One day it occurred to me, cows never wrinkle … So I decided to do a little research. I studied cows, I studied humans, and finally I discovered the secret – the secret of the cows. Hay, it’s hay – cows eat hay. And after some experimentation and a great deal of research, I developed what I believe to be the next great skin care product to sweep the nation.
LORELAI: [reads the label] Hay There.
KIRK: A complete line of creams, balms, toning lotions, and cleansing liquids.
This is the first (?) of Kirk’s attempts to start a business, in this case, selling his own line of beauty products (in huge bottles!). It fails almost immediately when the products he creates turn out to be dangerous.